you have to choose: penises or morals?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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