hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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