I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
