I wish I could punch you in the face.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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