haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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