we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
