Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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