u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
