apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
