you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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