Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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