the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
