Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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