Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
