It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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