sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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