Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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