So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
