'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
babies were throwing up all over the place
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
