Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
