I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
