He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize