My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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