Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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