my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she was so not down for the gang bang
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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