I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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