my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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