yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So much Jack, so little girl.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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