a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wear drunk well.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
