My room smells like vodka and shame
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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