You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
