Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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