Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
