He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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