I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
