I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
