i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
