I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Of course I have a pirate flag
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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