So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
