No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
