You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
