In the future we'll all be gay
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
