$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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