I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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