also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize