You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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