My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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