it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
