i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
