I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
