woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
