Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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