So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
