I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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