Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize