I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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