I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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