I looked at my own cervix.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
