Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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