i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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