Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
