Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
