You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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