I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
