Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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