kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
you made out with another girl for some wings
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
