I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
