Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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