My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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