you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
