Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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