She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
time to smoke my breakfast
this just has baby written all over it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You're like the curious george of whores
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
