Tell her she can't have a vagina
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
