my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
