in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
