I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
