please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
