yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
