i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
