I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
