My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
