u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
