Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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